Saturday, 8th July 1939

I had rather enjoyed documenting my time at Cambridge, as well as my recent tour of the U.S. and Canada. Seems I misplaced those diaries… no matter, they’ll turn up! So I decided to liberate this clearly unused notebook from Hesketh and give it a purpose.

It is rather comforting to document one’s thoughts as opposed to irritating those around one. Only today Unc implied he had heard enough of my articulations on the harrows of foundation garments when he, rather than begging me to stop talking, instead climbed inside his Spanish chest and somehow locked it closed from within!

Then Hesketh arrived for his semi-annual visit and I was forced to chisel Unc out of said Spanish chest. It was rather challenging. Forget Anderson’s creation – if the war ever does arrive I’ll simply hop inside the chest and job’s a carrot.

Unc and Hesketh are now locked firmly away in the dining room, smoking cigars and discussing what brilliant detectives they have each become. Able to spot even the mildest of crimes. The removal of one person’s notebook by another person, say.

How Unc can bear the company of such an odious fellow is beyond me. He’s a behemoth from the dawn of time, with the odour to accompany it. Does the man own soap I wonder? I might fill the notebook-shaped void in his travel bag with a bar of Ivory.

Of course, DEAR HESKETH was quick to point out that the dining room is no place for a prim and proper young lady once the meal is over – no, she must retire to the drawing room to dribble upon a piece of butchered embroidery. It appears we have been sent hurtling back to the days of Queen V. A prim and proper young lady would not be caught dead reading her Unc’s case notes regarding dismembered, nude prostitutes. There are plenty of acceptable alternatives for a prim and proper young lady, such as writing a letter to her mother, or curling her hair.

So the question remains – what shall I do?

I’m going to liberate more items from Hesketh.

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